Blogging with Littles

Blogging with kiddies is a dangerous business. You think you're just writing for fun, with no consequences, and the next thing you know your computer has apple juice in the keyboard and peanut butter on the screen. 
Good thing they're pretty cute, as you can see here. Or as I can see. I don't know. Other people's kids are rarely as adorable as their parents think they are, but that's what mamas are for. 

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Dan: "Mama! What are you doing?"

Me: "Just writing a story. (Before he can ask me to read it all because he looooves mama reading him every word in sight) A boring, grown-up story. 

D: "I can write a story! Can I try?"

Me: *quiet sigh, I was on a roll* "Sure! You can push the buttons and we'll do it together."

D: "Okay. My best story."

[So here follows my 3 year old's first computer-written story:]

gqwer5tjuiiooloit e
Translation: "I want to write a story that will tell Rock and Abby and Kyleigh."

gk./'hk;[outrdwrkuphdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd 
Translation: "Kyleigh and Rock, I can get some cookies and ice cream for them. And from the ice cream cart because it's good. And Uncle Greg has dogs and Aunt Judy has good cookies."

aifffeeeeeefnndslcieiaanc;annfrei45w faa;hfffffffffffrs
Translation: "I like Abby and I was... I love Amy, too, and Mike and David and Abby mostly and Rock and baby Ruby and the big kids and my cousins."

kjhgtttttttyo[ur3221mllllkiiiioolkjjjjjhhhdDjjhko98u80khkjjhjjkiyhjk;;kjhggggfuiii9ujjjjjjhgfhjkjkkmmmmnmkhhkjjggtylll;;;piyyyyyhhjhhjjjhgyty6666tjuuuuuuuuuuuii
Translation: "Dan loves Abby and David and Mike and Rock and Nellie and Ruby and Rock and Kyleigh and Dan. I'm a really good speller. That spells what I say."

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So there you have it. A bit weak on plot, I'll admit, but full of love. Not bad for now.

Nerves

I am so nervous, y'all.

Buying a house is a really big decision, and a really big commitment. Beyond the change in day-to-day life, there will be financial changes, changes in commute, and a million other tiny things that will add up to an entire lifestyle change. While I know that a more active and hardworking lifestyle will bring good, good things, I think the adjustment period will be rough. I mean, dogs and chickens and gardens are all well and good to think about, but the actual care that they'll require in addition to my small boys is daunting. And then there's the TV situation... I LOVE TV. Seriously. I love relaxing at the end of the day with a glass of wine or herbal tea and watching Grimm or OUAT or New Girl. And to lose my pretend-best-friend Leslie Knope? Nope. AND DOCTOR WHO! It makes my guts hurt a little bit. Because without internet, there is no Hulu or Netflix or Amazon Instant Watch. #firstworldproblems, amirite? I suppose I could go make real, human friends, but if that was as easily said as done it would be. Done and done.

Real friends are a lot harder to make after college, especially when you're a stay at home mama. Getting together to form lasting bonds isn't as simple as grabbing coffee or dinner at the caf. It requires working around nap schedules, babysitters, littles with colds, and finding a place to play where those precious angels won't destroy everything in sight. I'm really excited that our home will have room to play, inside and out, but convincing friends to drive to Pala will take some doing. Maybe I'll start an outdoor adventure training open playdate. Let kids learn some independence in a relatively safe "wilderness" setting. And get really good liability insurance...

I'm so terrified of and exhilarated by change. I crave it, but when I see it coming I get nervous and fall back into old, safe patterns. That's why every day I think of how I'm so blessed to have Jake as my partner. He's logical, brave, handy, and pretty much amazing at everything. He was born with the common sense & practical know-how people like me can only dream of. Maybe he stole it. That's why it's so lacking in so many other people-- he got his big, strong hands on it.

But YOU GUYS. If we get this place, there will be room enough for me to have a library. A teeny, tiny one, but enough space for a whole room to be devoted to books and words and writing! It will probably have to include all of Jake's accounting stuff and and office for him, but STILL. It's a dream come true.

We're going up there again tomorrow to check out the condition of a few more things and try to pin down how much we'll really have to do to make it livable. Buying a fixer-upper is one thing, living in it with very small children is another. We'll get it to the point that we have a safe place for them to play and us to live, and the rest will just have to come as we can manage it.

My nerves might be coming from not sleeping though. These boys are awful. I mean, wonderful. I mean... they're children. A blessing from the Lord who challenge me to be more patient and kind and more like my Father. It's super hard, and when I'm tired everything is harder. As much as I hate the Christianeze term "seasons", I do keep reminding myself that this is just a season. They won't be awake forever. They won't be adorable and tiny and precocious forever, either.

Nerves are a bit of a waste of time. The things I'm nervous about will happen, or not. I'm just going to work on trusting that these things are being done for God's glory and our joy.

Moving Forward

They accepted our offer! Sort of. They accepted the price, but we have to pay for inspections. If the well water is good & there's no mold, we're in. Five acres in the beautiful Pala hills, a view, privacy, and a home that's really, truly ours.

There are so many thing that are amazing about this property: water on site with a 3500 gallon tank, a private road, easy access to both Temecula & San Diego, a huge house (that will have to be cleaned & renovated, but still), and good cell reception. We won't have internet though (!!!!) and there's higher fire danger out there. But there are five fully fenced acres, neighbors that are decently close, and a restful quiet that will soak into our bones & give us peace.

I'm so excited & scared! Pictures coming, I think. Before pictures are never as exciting as the afters, but those will be some time in coming.

Okay. Ahhh!
They accepted our offer!

Finding Querencia

So this is where it starts. We've made an offer on a house again, this time a super weird one, but on five acres. It's the first one we've made a written offer on, and I'm a nervous Nellie (sorry, Nellie). 
We've always talked about what we want, Jake and I: a beat up (read: cheap) house in a perfect spot where we can build equity; a place where our kids can play outside freely & wildly (so a big yard & no busy streets); space for friends, dogs, chickens, and a garden; a place where we can hear & see God in His creation and have available space for whatever is needed; and room to really, really breathe, which I suppose is what other people call 'privacy'. 

 This place has existed in our minds for a long time, but we're only just now looking to make it a reality. It's a really scary thing to make a dream into a reality, especially one that (by definition) requires a lot of hard work. Hard work isn't always (ever) my strong suit, at least not of the physical variety. Maybe a crazy weird house on five rocky, weed-filled, beautiful acres can change that. 

So that's the dream. And I, being obsessed with words, found the perfect one to describe it: querencia, a Spanish word that doesn't directly translate into English. In Spanish, querencia describes a place where one feels safe, a place from which one's strength of character is drawn, a place where one feels at home. John Jeremiah Sullivan defines querencia as "an untranslatable Spanish word that means something like 'the place where you are your most authentic self." Isn't that exactly what home should be? It's so perfect that when (I mustn't think "if"!) we find it, I'm putting it on a giant signpost over the gate. 

 I know for a certain fact that a home that doesn't run smoothly isn't a source of joy and peace, but of stress. I also know that when gentle plans are made and followed, and people work hard as servants to each other, counting each one as better than themselves, a truly happy home is found. So it definitely won't be easy to pull off, and I'm sure there will be lots of crazy things that create a lot of stress, but I want to start finding querencia, and the only way to get there is to start moving.