The Advent of the Giant Spider

Ermahgerd. I'm sitting at Starbucks again, because I can never focus at home. I'm hanging out until Doctor Who is done downloading onto my tablet, but the joint is jumpin' tonight and there's no bandwidth. It's already been over an hour, and there's still 14% left to go on my 48 minute show.

I'm such a whiner. Internet & other technology is magic and I'm actually very grateful. Living without a high-speed connection is super hard, though, after having one for so long. I'm spoiled, but I liked it so much!

Anyway. Jake found a giant tarantula on our slider tonight. I'm not going home. I'm giving up Querencia in disgrace because I don't have the mental fortitude to deal with a spider bigger than my hand, or more importantly, bigger than my shoe. If I can't comfortable stomp it without seeing legs on either side of my boots, I'm out. OUT. I suppose I'll have to man up and go home eventually, but...

NOPE.

Mama don't play. If it has more than four legs, I don't like it. If it has more than four legs and hair, my spirit shrinks down into itself and rocks in a fetal position.

Why did we move to the country, again? Kids' development and my nature deficit be damned. I don't like it.

My show is done and I have to go home now. If you don't hear from me, it's because I died at the many hands of the nightmare tarantula.

God save us.

Sorry, sorry!

How many times have I sat down to write a post about living here, now that, you know, we actually live here? It must be almost a hundred, but things keep coming up. Whether that's being sick, boys being needy (shocker), strange nighttime noises, or whatever, I haven't managed it. I'm a disgrace to blogging. Tonight, though, I'm sitting at a nearby Starbucks with free wifi and being delightfully lazy. I think I only blog when I feel lazy and talkative and don't have anyone to talk to. To be honest, I usually prefer hanging out with Jake and making plans, but tonight I had to be the brave huntress of public wifi, so here I am.

We've been in for almost three weeks now, and we're finally getting a little bit settled. I'm still pretty terrified of country nighttime silence, and you will not catch me going downstairs by myself once Jake is in bed. Whatever it is, it can wait until morning and the uncanny silence is broken. I haven't unpacked more than a quarter of our stuff, but there aren't any closets here, so it's not entirely my laziness happening. There's nowhere to put anything! I'm still going downstairs to the wardrobe box I packed my clothes in to get dressed. I can't find the big plates, but we're not getting our dishwasher until tomorrow and there isn't cabinet space to put them, anyway. In our big, roomy kitchen, there isn't anywhere convenient to put any dishes or food. I've be heard to yell "What's the point of you?!" more times than I care to admit. Trust me to complain about a giant kitchen.

The boys are loving the house and the "field", but they are definitely still adjusting to the change in lifestyle and pace. Dan's favorite day of the week is when we go to Chik Fil A to have lunch and slowly, painfully download a new episode of Daniel Tiger. God bless Mr. Rogers & co., btw. I'm having a hard time keeping them entertained, but today I found the arts & crafts box, so I think it'll be a bit easier from here.

The heat has been insane, and that isn't entirely just me whining. Up to 100 the past few days, no curtains (still...), and no air conditioning. I'm gonna be honest, y'all, I smell terrible. My magnesium lotion deodorant bottle broke in the move, and I haven't been able to make more. Being crunchy is lame sometimes. It would be much easier to run to the store and pick up a stick of Dove or Spirit(?) or whatever, but the aluminum! My crunchiness thinks in dramatic italics sometimes (all the time). Because the phthalates!  pesticides! hormone distruptors! linked-to-cancer! I fully believe in this stuff, but it stresses me out sometimes. I've gone back to apricot scrub on my face instead of oil cleansing because the oil bottle spilled and I don't like how it's still kind of slick. Sometimes adjusting to big life changes is more important. That being said, essential oils have been saving my life out here. Lavender and Young Living's Gentle Baby are somehow tricking Adam into sleeping at night, and I'm eternally grateful. All kinds of other uses are coming up, too, like Lemon in cleaners and Thieves when I was sick. Who would have thought that God made growing things for us to use that work perfectly? Huh.

I have so much more to say, but I still have to go home and *shudder* get out of the car in the dark and open the gate. I do not want to do this. Jake thinks I'm being a baby (and he's usually right), but it's scary to get out of your safe car, in almost complete darkness, turn your back to the dark and pull open a noisy sliding gate. Then pull through, get out of your safe car again, and stand there fumbling with the lock in the dark next to scrubby California brush and trees and feel the mountain lion/rabid coyote/murderer's eyes on you. Ugh. There are lots of things on our list before we get an automatic gate opener (like a BED!), but that's the one I'm going to be stoked on. Jake put up motion lights, so that helps, but I can still feel the eyes outside the edges of the light looking at me.

So.... don't be creeped out! Come visit our sweet new digs! They're ramshackle and rambling and completely happy. But maybe come during the day. But when it's cool. But before winter. You know what? We'll figure it out.

Change

Two nights left in our little home before we move, and I am terrified. Change, even when it's a good & beautiful & exciting change, is still hard. We're leaving everything we know for something strange and foreign. It is exactly what we want in the abstract, but as a concrete thing I'm freaking out. It probably doesn't help that we're only half packed and the movers are coming Monday morning.

I'm so excited that we're getting movers, though! Moving is the worst thing ever, but having someone else do the heavy lifting makes it a teensy bit easier. We found our movers through HireAHelper.com, which is definitely the easiest way to compare and book moving help. The last time we moved we did it all ourselves, but I think I blocked out the painful memory because I barely remember it. I remember friends driving from Corona to Escondido and lukewarm beer.... sorry, friends!

Querencia has been beautiful these past few days we've been up there. It's been hot, but there is always a lovely cool breeze that we can catch on the deck. We had two house cleaners come and help me with the bathrooms and kitchen, and thank God for that. It was gross. Super gross. Like really, really, disgusting. I don't know how bad it might have been if the place hadn't been abandoned for almost a year, but even under the dust was grease, grime, and who-knows-what kind of filth. There was broken glass, staples, and screws on the floor in the dining room, but we got everything cleaned and safe in our main living areas. The garages are a different matter, but there are doors that we can use to keep the boys out of there until we get to it. I worked all day with them, and unfortunately the boys didn't get a nap and there weren't any chairs, so I had Adam in the Ergo and Daniel in the stroller when he needed a rest. All day. I can't wait until we get moved in, because I would have killed for my couch yesterday. But it's clean now, and I can move in with a comfortable conscience.

The carpet is in remarkably good shape, and after Stanley Steemer came through it almost doesn't smell like weed. We were hoping to put in hardwood floors upstairs right away, but since we need new appliances first it isn't going to happen. Not that I'm complaining about new appliances! Especially the washer & dryer. We were going to buy those used, but we got a great deal and I was excited to finally get a set of my own that no one else has used! I haven't had a washer and dryer that didn't charge per load since I left my parents house after high school. That was... a while ago. Like 11 years. A decade. [WHAT IS HAPPENING?!] I don't feel like starting college was that long ago, yet here I am, a full-fledged adult. Seven hard & beautiful years married to Jake, a career fast-tracking then gratefully put on hold to have babies who are now turning into boys, new cities, new friends, new goals & dreams. And that's just in the 6 years since I graduated college. (Don't bother doing the math. Yes, I was in college for 5 years. I double majored and did choir & theatre, okay!) All that to say (?), I'm excited for new appliances. Ha. I get side-tracked kind of easily.

I have lots more to say, but those boxes won't pack themselves. Believe me, I've left them sitting around long enough, just to be sure. MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: invent self-packing boxes! I'd buy that. I mean, I wouldn't actually, but if I had the million dollars from my million dollar idea I would. So... there's that. What was I saying? Do you think there's any chance I'll be less scatter-brained once we move in?

So Good

So remember how I asked you to pray that things would move quickly yesterday? Well, today the appraisal finally came back, and man did it show up. Querencia is appraised at 20% more than our offer. Which, of course, makes me freak out and think that the sellers will want to back out, but they actually originally listed it at market value, then reduced the price to sell it faster, then accepted our offer that was way below that. We've been in escrow since May (or was it April?), so if they're going to back out now they've wasted an awful lot of their own time.

I'm such a worrier. Every huge obstacle so far has been overcome, and now that there is good news I'm finding the one possible bad thing to worry over. Oh me of little faith. :)

Escrow is highly unlikely to close this week, which is a bummer since we're taking Jake to the airport on Saturday, and we have no idea how international document signing is supposed to work. Or I guess, more appropriately, how much it's going to cost. Because all of the things that need to be done and bought and fixed are adding up, and we're just treading water already. We're getting what we firmly believe is the best deal in San Diego county, but it's at the very top of our budget. This should pay off if we decide we don't like living on such a tight budget, because with just the fixes that we'll do to make it livable for us we should turn a decent profit. Of course, we're expecting that the rural lifestyle and outdoor freedom that it will give us will far outweigh the money stuff. We've lived on a tighter budget in our condo and made it okay, so this should be a piece of cake. "What could possibly go wrong," she asked, tempting fate. We like beans and vegetables, and I'm now quite good at using every bit of a chicken, to its bones. :)

Anyway, thank you for praying. Querencia is almost real life, guys!

Final Stretch

So close, so close! We keep overcoming every obstacle, and two more take it's place. We sold the San Jacinto house (finally!), we got inspections (everything looks fantastic! More on that later), we got renters in contract for our condo, everything we can do has been done. Now we're waiting on the appraisal (which was done sixteen days ago) to go through the bank so that they'll fund our loan. The problem is, even though the house is structurally sound, the well pump is new, the roof is fine, etc., there aren't any comparables to help them decide on the value of the house. There's no house/property like it because it's a custom-built, strangely retrofitted, dirty junker of a house, and while we're excited that there's nothing else like it, apparently the bank isn't as keen.

The inspections came back with great news. The well pump and septic tank are both less than two years old. The roof is missing a few shingles, but other than that looks good. All of the crazy electrical wiring and piping has been unattached properly and just needs to be pulled down. The well water is clean and happy, and no major hazards or needed repairs were found. All of the things we were worried about, all of our deal-breakers have turned out just fine. Now we're just waiting on the red-tape, and waiting without any work to do.

Wait, did I say "no work to do"? I'm a liar. Whether we get Querencia or not, we're renting out our condo, which has to be cleaned and painted and re-tiled before August 14th. So.... there's that. I'm going to be packing and cleaning and painting while Jake is the UK again (for two solid weeks!) and my parents are on vacation. Luckily my mom is bribing my brothers to come help me for a day or two, but I think that's all the backup I get. I have to pack our entire condo of four people's stuff and take care of these, let's say energetic, children.

It's times like this that I realize how American I am. I have been so continually and thoroughly taken in by the lie of consumerism that our place is packed to the gills with crap we don't need. I mean, absolute crap. I started packing up the bathroom, but when confronted with the baskets of soaps and lotions and potions that all have been barely used, I had to stop, completely disgusted with myself. How many of these things did I buy (because I neeeded it) to make something about my life better? And when it didn't completely transform me into the person I wanted to be the first time I used it, it ended up in the basket to await the company of the next thing I "need" but will only use twice. It doesn't help that Jake and I are both kind of hoarders. He forms an emotional attachment to paperwork, car magazines, and other strange things like holey shirts and old cars. I get attached to clothes that used to fit, books (but that's not a problem), and every piece of "art" that Dan has ever created. I mean, I have a church bulletin from two years ago with no sermon notes or anything helpful, but a little squiggle of pen that makes it impossible to throw away. I'm a crazy person.

I'm looking forward to living a simpler life, even though it will come in the form of a bigger house. Money will be going different directions, like to a garden or chickens or little boy boots. It's embarrassing that I'll only stop buying things because I'll have to, and that I can't quite manage to do it on my own, but there you go. That's real me. I'm always trying to be better, but there's nothing like circumstances making you rise to them to get going. Kind of like how my addiction to TV will be settled, very much against my will. It'll only happen because it has to, not because I have the strength of mind to fix myself. Damn it.

Well, boo.

We just had our third (THIRD!!!) buyer fall through on our rental in San Jacinto. I'm so frustrated. I don't even care (haha, okay, maybe a little bit) if we get the place, I just don't want to be in flux anymore. I'm not so good with the whole 'patience' thing. I can pretend to be for short amounts of time, but months and months? Not so much. Maybe I should be working on it instead of sulking (duh).

There really aren't any other places with property in our price range, though. Ideally we could live in Vista or San Marcos on an acre or two and be happy, but without trying to get something on auction it isn't going to happen. I'm so mad at the whole thing I want to move to the Midwest and buy a nice place for cash. Stupid nice weather here! Ha.

I'm too grouchy to be blogging right now, I think. Just a quick update then: we're still in escrow on Querencia, but the sellers are getting impatient. San Jacinto needs to sell before we can buy it. Who knows. I trust God for the details of our lives, though I really wish I could get a printed itinerary.

Surrender

I am.... frustrated. The escrow isn't working out on the place we have to sell because they're short 2000 dollars. $2k. Such a seemingly small amount of money in the grand scheme of house buying. Without that home selling, we can't buy Querencia. If the whole deal falls through, we'll have to find another buyer and hope that it closes in time for our escrow on Q to not expire.

I got this news from Jake yesterday after a loooooong day, and I was well on my way to misery with my terrible attitude. Then that wonderful man of mine went into the kitchen, started washing the dishes, and whistling "I Surrender All".

Damn it. Way to ruin my pity party, man.

He did exactly what what needed in that moment to soften my hard heart. Not preaching at me or making me feel stupid for feeling the way I did, just serving me with cleaning and loving me with a gentle whistle on those blessed lips. Thank God for him, you know?

Who knows if we'll still end up in Pala? I love the land, I love the area, and I even secretly love the crazy house. But I love the Lord more, and I know that He is more than capable of putting us where we need to be, whether it's there or here or wherever else on earth. Maybe our job of loving our neighbors isn't done here in Escondido, or maybe it's just one of those things that we'll never see how the threads make sense until we see the whole tapestry someday.

That said, I'm still really disappointed. We went up there last weekend to see if the crazy winds had broken anything, and we climbed the big rock under the big oak tree in the middle of the property.

This is the view

This is the tree and the rock.

I'm like a love-sick teenager thinking about it all the time, dreaming about it, doodling my name in a notebook with its last name... Okay, maybe not that last one. But I love it. And I even love the ridiculous weeds that cover every inch of it. 

Did I say weeds? 

I mean lovely things in hard places...

...for shade and shape and softness. 

Whatever happens, God is good and faithful to us, and we trust Him to lead us where he would have us go. I just reeeeeeally really hope it's here. If you'd like, you can pray with us that our other house will sell, that our timeline doesn't compromise the escrow, and that when all of that happens the inspections will make the bank happy and make us happy, with no new septic tank or roof needed. Either of those things will kill our entire renovation budget. Oh, and if the well water is bad, that's a complete deal breaker for us, so we're praying for that, too.

The Lord knows whats up.

All to Jesus, I surrender;

All to Him I freely give;

I will ever love and trust Him,

In His presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all,

All to Thee, my blessèd Savior,

I surrender all.