It's Happening! Almost.

I should have posted earlier, but I'm in a weird head-space. I'm trembling with joy and fear and good old-fashioned trepidation. We're in escrow on Querencia, contingent on selling our rental property in San Jacinto that's also half-way through escrow. Jake did a lot of work on that place to make it sell fast, and by a lot, I mean driving up there every day after work for two weeks, and two weekends of not-stopping-for-food cleaning and patching and painting, spending the nights on a hard floor, and landscaping in a yard 200 yards from a dairy farm, so working through flies of plague proportions. The boys and I went up to help twice, and Dan loved counting the cows and 'helping' me vacuum. I got sad thinking about those cows covered in their own filth, eating God knows what, but that's another story for another day. I get a little crazy about how animals should be treated. Hold on while I go get myself a glass of raw milk from Organic Pastures...

Still with the crazy lady? Good. Because this crazy idea is becoming reality. We're going to live on more land than we know what to do with (yet), in a house bigger than we'll ever know what to do with, and we're going to let our little boys run wild and pray, pray, pray they don't break all of their bones. We want to fill our home with orphans and the displaced, but first we need to make it livable. That's seeming like a bigger and bigger job every time we look around. I'm definitely a throw-myself-in-headfirst kind of gal, so thank God (really, I do every day) that Jake is there to be my steadying influence. I want chickens and a huge garden and foster kids and summer-visiting orphans from Ukraine and a fully renovated, furnished home (with curtains, rugs, art, etc) and dogs and parties, all at once. Jake is a bit more practical, and wants the water, power, broken railings, and other needed repairs to be fixed first. Boring, amirite? And there a lot of little things that are going to add up:

Like piles of this everywhere

And random corners with holes in them

And seriously with the random wiring everywhere?

And all kinds of little boy hazards.

So there's a lot to do. Add to that cleaning and fixing up our condo to rent out, and I'm in a cold, tremble-y sweat. And Jake is going to a bachelor party in Vegas and the UK for one week, maybe two in June for work.  June, the month we're going to be moving in. Bless his precious soul, he's so stressed out about it. I don't know why everything always happens at once, but it really, really does. It never rains but it pours, feast or famine, boom or bust, etc., etc. There's nothing he can do about these things, but he's stressing about them anyway. That man of mine is so good. He's also a workaholic who forgets to eat for an entire day because he's cleaning and painting. He's insane. I'll only do those things if I know there is a specific time, with specific food that I will get, and then after a quick nap and maybe a show on Amazon Instant Watch maybe I'll start painting again.

Unfortunately, our budget dropped a bit when we had to drop the price of the San Jacinto house, and with inspections and basic repairs I'm not sure how much we'll really get done before we move in. Probably paint, hopefully floors, and probably not adding a shower to one side of the upstairs suites, which right now only has a sink and toilet. We were hoping to build that so that we could more easily rent those two huge rooms & their landing (that also have their own separate stairs) to help supplement the mortgage while we're renovating, but I don't know if that's going to happen now. There is another full bathroom, but it's downstairs, right by the front door, so that won't be particularly attractive to housemates. We're also legitimately considering renting out any or all of the three huge garages for storage. Being house-poor isn't exactly where we wanted to be, but these beautiful five acres are exactly where we want to be, and I don't think we could ever find another deal like this one. If all goes according to plan (is that God I hear laughing?), we aren't going to ever move again. It's the kind of place we want to live the rest of our lives in. If it doesn't burn down in the wildfires. Haaaaaaahhhhhhh, deep breath.

Because there are places like this

And this

And sweet little window ledges like this that are soon to become reading nooks (with window guards because I'm not crazy)

It's always seemed to us like the only way to go-- the worst house in the best place, then work our little tails off for years and years to make it what we want. But now that I'm looking at those years and years in the face, I'm feeling faintly sick. Adventure is not for the weak-hearted, so I'm praying hard for some courage.

Incidentally, how does one become a hardworking homesteader? Is there like a book I can buy or something? Someone who can come teach me how and save me from all of the mistakes? No? Huh.

At least it will be interesting. Life is either a daring adventure, or it is nothing. (Thanks for that gem, Helen Keller. Now I'm inspired to like, do hard stuff. Booooo.)

Waiting for Quiet

The view from the upstairs balcony

Oh, how I want to live somewhere quiet! While I don't mind the sound of kids playing, I could definitely do without the sounds of teenagers trying to be cool and swearing like little punks. And the traffic noise. And the dueling music blasting from every other apartment. It would be lovely to live in community with the people around us, but most of time trying to talk to neighbors hasn't worked out. I don't know if it's personality, cultural, or what. It doesn't help that we're pretty shy people. Everyone has smiles for our outgoing Dan's cheery hellos and Adam's chubby, gummy grins, but as grown ups we've had no luck.

I'm so excited to live somewhere we can leave the windows open at night and still hear each other talk & have the boys stay asleep. Well, I say stay asleep, but they don't really do that period. Sometimes they sleep, but I think they might be faking it to make me feel better. I want the quiet to sink into our bones, but I know that the only real quiet can happen anywhere, when we rest in the Lord and his promises. Promises of love, hope, and mercy. I don't need to be in the country for that, but it does seem like more time to think, in audible quiet, with a bit of enforced media silence may help.

We're making inches of progress with Querencia. We have a signed purchase agreement, and a disclosure saying that we live in a very high fire danger area. Very. High. So that's cool. There are sprinklers on the roof, but two tall trees that don't look good for fire safety, as beautiful as they are. Jake is making ridiculous plans to build a dugout fire shelter to stay on the property in case of a wildfire, complete with oxygen and water pump/nozzle something-or-others. We'll see how that plays out, because if I'm uncomfortable with him riding his motorcycle please believe I'm not going to be okay with him staying during a fire. We also found out that we have to pay an extra $150/yr to the fire department to protect our house, so that's kind of weird. I mean, I get it, but it's not something I've heard of before.

Even though we don't know if we have the property yet, we're going full steam planning how we're going to remodel. There are short term plans, like paint and flooring and curtains, and long term plans like building a 15'x15' deck with hot tub, farm table, and trellises with vines for shade. It's lovely to dream about, but I'm hesitant to plan too much before we know for sure. I'm completely in love with that weird, beat-up dream home of ours. I'm going to be crazy sad if it doesn't happen. Fingers crossed, dreams dreamed, prayers prayed. Still waiting.


Do you have a dream for your home, present or future? Do you get excited by paint chips and flooring samples? Leave me a comment with your ideas, dreams, favorite paint colors, or whatever. 

The Waiting Game & Faith

Waiting...

So, buying this house is going sooooo slowwwwly. We still haven't received the purchase agreement, even though it's been almost two weeks now. Since an attorney has signed the papers we do have, we're hoping it's just a slow business process, and not that they're just holding out for better offers. They accepted our offer at below asking price, but we were feeling really lucky about that. The thing is, even though this place is expensive, we know that it has all of the potential to be our dream home, and we'll never move. I want it so bad... and I feel like we won't get it.

When something feels too good to be true, a good rule of thumb is that it is. It definitely isn't the place for everyone, but it's perfect for us, so I'm hoping that we can get in on those grounds.

I hate waiting. I keep thinking of Psalm 27 though: "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" The thing is, though, I don't know if it's in God's will for us to live here. I mean, we obviously don't think that he's against it, or else we wouldn't be going for it. We believe that God wants us to live to further His kingdom and honor Him and love & take care of each other. The details, when in line with that, are up to us. So the problem is, I'm terrified of trusting in the false gospel of American prosperity and "name-it-and-claim-it" crap. I don't always feel like it's "okay" to ask God for things like a new house, even when I'm thinking of the hospitality we'll give and the hard work and growth we'll find there. I don't want any part of my mind to buy in to bargaining with God as a valid choice. I've been wrestling with interpreting scripture to nail that down for a while now, and I'm still not clear on what is truth. For now, I'm praying with a guarded "please, please, if it is good." I think it will be good, and it's where my heart is, but it's more important to me that my heart is where God's is. I can change, if I have to. I don't want to. But 28 years of experience and a wealth of reading & hearing others' experiences has led me to firmly believe that God's plans are greater than ours, and that being on His side is the only place I want to be.

That said, I'm really tired of waiting. Jake is just really tired. He's been spending every day since Sunday working until after 11pm to get our place ready to sell, on top of his stressful 9-10 hours at work. He's a natural born hard worker, but this is way beyond his norm. I love that man of mine for doing what needs to be done, even though he's tired and frustrated. It is good, good to get to share life with him. I hope we get to build more of our life in our querencia.

So tonight I'll remind myself of God's faithfulness and steadfast love. Wherever we end up, it will be good. Though it might be easier to build better habits in a new start, I should be working on them now. I don't want to wait for the "right time" to be good and brave and holy. God certainly hasn't waited for me to get my ish together to bless me. His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness! Whatever happens, we'll be just fine.