The Waiting Game & Faith

Waiting...

So, buying this house is going sooooo slowwwwly. We still haven't received the purchase agreement, even though it's been almost two weeks now. Since an attorney has signed the papers we do have, we're hoping it's just a slow business process, and not that they're just holding out for better offers. They accepted our offer at below asking price, but we were feeling really lucky about that. The thing is, even though this place is expensive, we know that it has all of the potential to be our dream home, and we'll never move. I want it so bad... and I feel like we won't get it.

When something feels too good to be true, a good rule of thumb is that it is. It definitely isn't the place for everyone, but it's perfect for us, so I'm hoping that we can get in on those grounds.

I hate waiting. I keep thinking of Psalm 27 though: "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" The thing is, though, I don't know if it's in God's will for us to live here. I mean, we obviously don't think that he's against it, or else we wouldn't be going for it. We believe that God wants us to live to further His kingdom and honor Him and love & take care of each other. The details, when in line with that, are up to us. So the problem is, I'm terrified of trusting in the false gospel of American prosperity and "name-it-and-claim-it" crap. I don't always feel like it's "okay" to ask God for things like a new house, even when I'm thinking of the hospitality we'll give and the hard work and growth we'll find there. I don't want any part of my mind to buy in to bargaining with God as a valid choice. I've been wrestling with interpreting scripture to nail that down for a while now, and I'm still not clear on what is truth. For now, I'm praying with a guarded "please, please, if it is good." I think it will be good, and it's where my heart is, but it's more important to me that my heart is where God's is. I can change, if I have to. I don't want to. But 28 years of experience and a wealth of reading & hearing others' experiences has led me to firmly believe that God's plans are greater than ours, and that being on His side is the only place I want to be.

That said, I'm really tired of waiting. Jake is just really tired. He's been spending every day since Sunday working until after 11pm to get our place ready to sell, on top of his stressful 9-10 hours at work. He's a natural born hard worker, but this is way beyond his norm. I love that man of mine for doing what needs to be done, even though he's tired and frustrated. It is good, good to get to share life with him. I hope we get to build more of our life in our querencia.

So tonight I'll remind myself of God's faithfulness and steadfast love. Wherever we end up, it will be good. Though it might be easier to build better habits in a new start, I should be working on them now. I don't want to wait for the "right time" to be good and brave and holy. God certainly hasn't waited for me to get my ish together to bless me. His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness! Whatever happens, we'll be just fine.